It’s been a rough week that inspired Ken Davis … Doris’s husband … to compose a poem:

When it’s Christmas time in Minnesota,

And the gentle breezes blow,

About seventy miles an hour

And it’s 52 below.

You can tell you’re in Minnesota

‘Cause the snow’s up to your butt,

And you take a breath of Christmas air

And your nose holes both freeze shut.

The weather here is wonderful,

So I guess I’ll hang around,

I could never leave Minnesota.

My feet are frozen to the ground!

Thank you, Ken, for that depressing news. You should be a TV weather-man.

Top 10 Christmas songs for the those of us suffering mental disorders:

(10) Schizophrenia: Do You Hear What I Hear?

(9) Multiple Personality Disorder: We Three Kings Disoriented Are.

(8) Dementia: I Think I’ll Be Home For Christmas.

(7) Narcissistic: Hark The Herald Angels Sing About Me.

(6) Manic: Deck The Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and …

(5) Paranoid: Santa Claus Is Coming To Town To Get Me.

(4) Borderline Personality Disorder: Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire.

(3) Personality Disorder: You Better Watch Out, I’m Gonna Cry, I’m Gonna Pout, Maybe I’ll Tell You Why.

(2) Attention Deficit Disorder: Silent Night … Ooh look at the froggy! … Can I have a chocolate? … Why is France so far away?

(1) Obsessive Compulsive Disorder: Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells …

My dream

Last night, I had the strangest dream. I was standing in a vacant lot in downtown Austin singing …

I’m dreaming of a Mower County Jail and Justice Center.

Just like the one the County Commissioners said they’d build.

Where the cell bars glisten and guards listen —

To hear deputies delivering more prisoners in the snow.

I’m dreaming of a Mower County Jail and Justice Center.

With every county board story I write.

May the judges’ days be merry and bright.

And may all their sentences be light.

I’m dreaming of a Mower County Jail and Justice Center.

With every building the city demolishes.

May the future downtown economy be merry and bright.

And may all the stores be open at night.

Can it be true?

I overheard two women talking at the Donut Connection coffee shop yesterday. One said to the other, “A virgin birth I can believe, but three wise men?”

Men, we’ve got work to do this Christmas Day.

Merry Christmas to all!