Echoes from the Loafer’s Club

“I’m working my way through by selling magazines.”

“Working your way through what?”

“I won’t know until I sell all the magazines.”

Driving by the Bruces

I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: Never anger anyone who handles your food.

He was just saying

We were sitting at a table in a cafe. Harley Miller was giving his assessment of another. “He’s just like Abe Lincoln except he’s short, fat and dishonest.”

Minnesota manners

It is never proper to ask a man if he is from Minnesota. That’s because if he is from Minnesota, he will tell you anyway, and if he is not, you shouldn’t embarrass him.

The Golden Age of Television

Our TVs were of the previously owned variety.

We’d get a new used set, and it would be situated atop the old used set because my father had declared that he would get around to fixing the old TV one day. He never did.

The channel selectors were typically the first part of the TV to break. There weren’t many stations in those days, but channel flipping was still an enjoyable sport for men. The selector would fall to the floor. Glue and tape would be employed in a futile attempt at saving the dial that indicated the channel numbers. Finally, the family would give up and use needle-nose pliers to change the channel.

One year, we had the TV on top that had audio, but no video. The TV on the bottom had a picture, but no sound. Both sets would be turned on and then the pliers would be employed to adjust the channels to match the sound on one TV with the picture on the other.

Back in those days, there were no remotes. That’s why the families were large in those days. That way, fathers always had a child to command, “Hey! Change the channel.”

A good idea

Jane Byron told me that she enjoys high school class reunions, but wishes that she would have the opportunity to attend a school bus reunion. Many of us spent endless hours riding in a bus with kids both younger and older than we were. We were a family swallowed by a big orange conveyance and then spit out twice a day.

The good old days

Picking teams was never easy.

There was a procedure to be followed.

You picked your friends first. Then you picked the good athletes. Next, you picked those who you were afraid not to pick.

We were in the lightning round

I spoke at a conference in Orange Beach, Ala. — located on the Gulf of Mexico. There was a white, sandy, shorebird-friendly beach just outside my door.

I watched lightning over the ocean from the safety of the resort. A group of surfers dotted the water. They were not about to let a little lightning deter them.

Several of the surfers came indoors and walked past me. I asked them if it was safe being on the water when it was lightning.

One replied, “Duuuuuuuude, do you know any surfers who have been hit by lightning?”

He had me there. I don’t know a single surfer who has been struck by lightning.

Nature notes

April is the windiest month of the year. January is the windiest of the winter months, November of the fall months, and June of the summer months.

A few butterfly species migrate — besides the monarch, others include the red admiral and painted lady.

Male goldfinches begin to change color in the summer — as early as late August. They change from their bright yellow plumage to a drab olive one.

From the mailbag

Maggie Mau writes, “In Germany crickets bring good luck, so you don’t kill them, you gently pick them up and take them outside. If swallows decide to build a nest under your eaves you don’t chase them away as they bring good luck.”

Annie Glasgow sends this, “Years ago, struggling students, no TV… a gift of an aquarium avidly watched as our ‘telefishin.’”

Talking to the Holstein

I was talking to the Holstein the other day. The Holstein is a retired milk cow, so she has time to talk. I told her that my wife was mad at me.

The Holstein chewed her cud thoughtfully and said, “Knowing you as I do, it’s likely your fault. Whatever you give a woman, she’s going to multiply. If you give her a house, she’ll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she’ll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she’ll give you her heart. And if you give her a bad time…”

Meeting adjourned

Leave unkind words to the political campaigns. Be kind.