Echoes from the

Loafers’ club

“Just the milk for you today?”

“That’s it.”

“Would you like it in a bag?

“No, just leave it in the jug.”

Driving by the Bruces

I have two wonderful neighbors—both named Bruce—who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: The world is filled with people toting digital cameras. Why are there fewer photos of UFOs than in the past?

Dad

I loved my father.

He never threw anything away. He just piled it higher. He believed that if he kept something long enough, he would find a use for it.

I bought him an LP of Hank Williams. My father was a big fan of Hank’s music. He played that record so often that it was worn thin enough that you could hear both sides at the same time.

He wasn’t much of a cook. I take after him in that respect. When my mother was absent, Dad would prepare a delightful repast of toast and a can of Vienna sausage.

Dad had been a Chicago Cubs’ fan all of his life. I think just five years of being a devotee of the Cubs should qualify a man for handicapped parking privileges.

From the fashion world

Darwyn Olson was talking about the low-slung, baggy and saggy pants that some young men tend to wear. This style is one that plumbers may have initiated. It is the look that tests the willpower of many who struggle to keep from saying, “Pull those pants up.”

Darwyn has a law enforcement officer in his family. That fellow said that he likes this particular fashion. He said that it inhibits the wearer’s running ability enough that it makes him easy to catch.

A visit

I visited the nursing home to hear the stories and to appreciate the lives.

“What good is living a few extra years if you can’t eat real butter?” was the question a resident asked me.

Instruction manuals

I was waiting to go onstage as a nice woman struggled with an uncooperative sound system. She was consulting the instruction manual.

If it had been a man in that predicament, the struggle would have continued for a long time before he would have resorted to reading the instruction manual.

I keep the instruction manual for any device I acquire. I file it away in a place where it could be easily found.

I don’t read it. I keep it so that if I ever sell the device, I can tell the purchaser that it comes with the instruction manual.

Bird words

Al Jirele of Bixby complained to a friend of his that cats kill a billion songbirds each year in the United States.

His friend mulled that statement over before responding, “Thank goodness for cats. If it weren’t for them, we’d be hip-deep in songbirds.”

The county fair

I was working at the Steele County Fair. I told some folks that I see people at the Fair that I don’t see the rest of the year.

One woman said, “That’s why my husband and I come to the Fair every day. We don’t want to miss anyone.”

Nature notes

The passenger pigeon, once likely the most numerous bird on the planet, formed flocks a mile wide and up to 300 miles long. There were so many birds that they darkened the sky for hours as the flock passed overhead. Population estimates from the 19th century ranged from 1 billion to 5 billion individuals and comprised up to 40 percent of the total number of birds in North America.

The passenger pigeon is now extinct. Unrestrained hunting and the clearing of forests doomed the species. The last nesting birds were reported in the Great Lakes region in the 1890s. The last reported individuals in the wild were shot in Pike County, Ohio on March 24, 1900. Some individuals remained in captivity. The last passenger pigeon, named Martha, died at the Cincinnati Zoo on September 1, 1914. Stanford University researchers say the extinction of the passenger pigeon might account for the spread of Lyme disease. Huge numbers of these pigeons once fed on acorns, which are also the preferred food of deer mice—the rodents that are the main carriers of Lyme disease. The populations of that mouse would not have grown so large had the pigeons survived.

Talking to the Holstein

I was talking to the Holstein the other day. The Holstein is a retired milk cow, so she has time to talk. I told her that driving would be fun if it weren’t for all the other drivers.

The Holstein chewed her cud thoughtfully and said, “For some reason, everyone wants to get there first.”

Meeting adjourned.