Sisters in arms

Published 2:32 pm Tuesday, May 27, 2008

They are volunteers, veterans, cooks and dutiful supporters. They contribute humbly for beloved family members and their comrades in arms, and often receive little in return.

And on Memorial Day, the women of the Legion and Veterans of Foreign Wars Ladies Auxiliaries followed the men from event to event, honoring them and absent service people with wreaths, kind words and company.

“We wouldn’t have this if it wasn’t for these guys, and if it wasn’t for the men, we wouldn’t have a purpose,” said Karen Sellers, whose husband spent several years in Korea before they married.

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Not that these women, historically or present-day, haven’t offered anything in return. Annette Quinlin, president of the American Legion Ladies Auxiliary Unit 91, and Daphne Wagner, president of the VFW Ladies Auxiliary Post 1216, are both mothers to servicemen, and have directed fundraising, annual events and youth efforts on behalf of their military men and others.

They both say they started for something to do; in Annette’s case, she’d lost her husband, an Army vet, and was searching for a volunteer opportunity and personal connection.

“I started out just volunteering at the meals,” Quinlin said. “I couldn’t believe how everyone asked, “So when did your husband die?’ The majority of women there lost their husbands, and that’s their social circle.”

“There are so many widows,” she said. “The support there was unbelievable.”

Wagner, whose Army-branch son is working for NATO in Italy, said his absence motivated her volunteerism.

“I needed a volunteer or something or other to do, and as long as my son was in the service, I did this,” she said.

In the years they’ve served with the auxiliaries, they and their membership — totaling 360 in the Legion and 164 in the VFW — have been professional and personal partners to their male counterparts.

Quinlin’s son, who is preparing for his second deployment to Iraq, has suffered a gunshot wound, broken teeth and post-traumatic stress disorder since his first military tour overseas.

She said she feels his distance, and wants to help him more.

“You can’t go through that and come back and not have there be any repercussions,” she said, later disclosing that she doesn’t want her son to return to war.

The two auxiliary presidents both say these are struggles many women endure as they await for and adapt to their loved one’s return.

“I’d say the frustrated ones have to be the wives, especially when you’ve got the little ones, and you have to be mom and dad,” Wagner said.

It’s a piece of war that’s not particularly visible, and while she wasn’t alive during World War II, Sellers referred to times when females received a further call to service, overtaking men’s jobs as soldiers remained in combat.

“Women did everything then,” Sellers said.

Norm Hecimovich, a decorated Army Ranger, recalls the images of his childhood in Northern Minnesota when his male family members were deployed overseas.

“It was very, very different because in World War II most males were taken into the service,” he said. “Many of the women had to go work in the mines. There were a lot of women doing men’s jobs.”

Their honor, he said, is obvious, and work done by ladies’ auxiliaries today is often more for self-gratification than recognition, Sellers said. Quinlin conceded that “pats on the back” are always much appreciated, but rare.

“But that’s okay,” she said.

According to VFW Post 1216 Commander Dennis Nelson, these women are important comrades in the course of war and recovery.

“Just a backbone is what they need,” Nelson said, referring to soldiers. When asked whether women provide that, he responded, “Absolutely.”

He, Wagner and Quinlin say their current agenda focuses on youth and continued veteran encouragement and aid.

“That’s why we do all these things, for some veteran’s cause or for youth,” Wagner said.

To be a member of the VFW Ladies Auxilary, one must have either served overseas or been family to one that has. It was founded 1914. The Legion Auxilary, founded in 1920, accepts anyone who’s served in the military.