There#039;s still no place like Adams

Published 12:00 am Thursday, June 12, 2003

Ahhhhh …. Adams.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: A rose by any other name would be the same.

It's not just a city, it's a state of mind.

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Just walk into Renee's Cafe and try not to be charmed by Bubbles, the waitress.

Just fill your plate at the Adams American Legion Post No. 146 Saturday night chicken fry and try not to make new friends at the table.

Just get ticketed by an overly aggressive police chief who should know better on cold wintry night in 2000, when you were simply going about your business and not a threat to the community and there were probably a 101 far more dangerous criminals lurking in the shadows, but he decided to pick on you … never mind. I guess I still carry a grudge.

Just drive through the community and feel the karma. That was karma I smelled the other day wasn't it?

Just open the Monitor Review and see this proud community in action.

Or … just slip over to the town this weekend for Adams Dairy Days.

Personally, I think it's sad the sponsors of the first summertime celebration in Mower County have to resort to gimmickry to attract people.

This business about offering dads free beer if they show a picture of their kid at Saturday night's street dance has me worried.

I suspect some fellas will try to bend the rules just to get a free beer. That's why I'm advising the street dance security to make sure the picture of a kid looks like the dad submitting it for a free beer.

Also, only one beer per kid's picture and none of this passing around the same kid's picture for every dad at the dance to use.

And showing Tommy Mullenbach's Sacred Heart school picture just to get a free brewski is strictly forbidden. You can stop printing them now, Tommy-Boy.

My favorite day to visit Adams Dairy Days is Sunday.

You've got a tractor pull, you've got the coronation of the dairy princess and prince, you've got the parade at 1 p.m. You've got fun in Adams City Park all afternoon long; and you've got the cow milking contest Sunday night outside the elevator. Bet on Heather Hill, the Mower County Dairy Princess, to win the contest.

Everywhere I go, people ask, "How are you and them Adams folks getting along?" I tell them "So-so. We're not holding hands, but nobody has their hands around my neck either."

I am amazed at how many people either have relatives who live at Adams or who used to live at Adams themselves. You can't go anywhere without running into somebody who is related to somebody who lived next to somebody in Adams.

If there is somebody out there who doesn't know about Adams, I would like to help them.

If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, he's from Adams.

If you have apologized to a telemarketer, you're from Adams.

If you have a pet or child named "Tommy-Boy," you're from Adams.

If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you're from Adams.

And because Rose Creek and Taopi are so close to Adams -- them Adams folks call them the "suburbs" -- it's possible to confuse those people, too.

So, here are a couple of hints on how to tell people who are Adams-wannabees from Rose Creek and Taopi.

If you have a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you're from Rose Creek.

If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you're from Taopi. Your friends have pictures Jim Kiefer!

And, because I'm an equal opportunist fun-poker, here's another.

If every time you see moonlight on Lake Louise, you think of a dancing bear and start humming "From the land of sky-blue waters, Hamms the beer refreshing … " you're from LeRoy.

See ya' at Adams Dairy Days!

Lee Bonorden can be contacted at 434-2232 or by e-mail at :mailto:lee.bonorden@austindailyherald.com