So this is what war is like.

Yes, I'm young. So young that Desert Storm is a fuzzy memory. We wrote letters to soldiers in the Gulf when I was in fifth grade. But the war seemed so distant then. I'm not sure I realized the seriousness of it.

Smaller military conflicts followed as I grew up -- Somalia and Bosnia, for example.

Those too, did not make as large an impact on me as this one.

It's hard watch the ongoing coverage of the war. Perhaps this is because I can put faces to the Marines stationed in the Middle East.

One of my friends is over there. A high school friend of my brother's as well. And then I think of all the other people I know who have family and friends fighting in Iraq.

I scan articles looking for familiar names. My stomach ties in knots when I see on television that more soldiers have been killed.

Many people are speaking out against the war, many more show support for the soldiers fighting this war. A drive down a residential street shows a country divided in their beliefs. A "Liberate Iraq" sign rests in the lawn of the same neighborhood as a "No war" sign.

Both say they are behind U.S. soldiers.

At a rally in St. Paul Saturday, thousands turned out to show their support for the troops. A picture from a newspaper shows a family holding a sign saying they are from Iraq and they support what the U.S. government is doing to get rid of Saddam Hussein.

That gives me hope that the U.S. action, that soldiers deaths, that civilian deaths are not in vain.

I just hope we're going about the best way in doing this.

And so far I think war was the only way to stop Hussein's regime. In war, Iraq isn't playing by the rules. They are mistreating prisoners of war. Its soldiers are have pretended to surrender and then opened fire on U.S. soldiers. There's no reason to believe Hussein was playing by the rules in anything else, including agreeing to not possess weapons of mass destruction.

But that's my opinion.

Many others have voiced quite the opposite at rallies, smaller discussions, even at the Oscars.

There's a certain stigma attached to speaking out against a war once it has begun. Presenters and winners at the Academy Awards were "encouraged" not to make political statements about the war. But even if, for example, Michael Moore's comments as he accepted his Oscar irritated me, he still has a right to say them.

Those who have doubts in this war aren't only the "liberals" in big cities across the nation. The discussion is going on in Austin and other smaller communities, only much more quietly.

But what do I know, I'm young. Someday, living through this time will give me greater insight. But for now, I'm taking it all in, with worry, with sadness and with some hope.

On Sunday morning, my Marine friend in Iraq e-mailed his parents a picture of himself and another Marine. They were smiling.

Small things like that help me believe things eventually will be OK.

Cari Quam can be reached at 434-2235 or by e-mail at :mailto:cari.quam@austindailyherald.com