This is how it is, Americans.

Joe Smith started his day early, having set his alarm clock (Made in

Japan) for 6 a.m.

While his coffee pot (Made in China) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (Made in Hong Kong).

Then, he put on a dress shirt (Made in

Sri Lanka) and designer jeans (Made in Singapore) and tennis shoes (Made in Korea).

After cooking breakfast in his new electric skillet (Made in India), he sat down with his calculator (Made in Mexico) to see how much money he could spend that day.

After setting his watch (Made in Taiwan) to the radio (Made in Brazil), he got in his car (Made in Sweden) and drove away to continue his search for a good-paying American job.

At the end of yet another long, discouraging and ultimately fruitless day, Joe Smith came home and decided to relax for awhile.

He put on his sandals (Made in Jamaica), poured himself a glass of wine (Made in France) and turned on the stereo (Made in Germany) and wondered why he couldn't find a good-paying job in America.

Thank you Bob and Margaret Clark for setting us straight.

This is also how it is.

A sign at a business establishment in Philadelphia reads: "We would rather do business with 1,000 Al Qaida terrorists than with a single American."

The sign is prominently displayed in the window of the Philadelphia business.

Americans are probably outraged at the thought of such an inflammatory statement.

One would think that anti-hate groups from all over the nation would be marching on this business and that the Pennsylvania National Guard will have to be called out to keep angry crowds under control.

Perhaps, in these stressed-out times, an American could be tempted to let the business owners simply make their statement.

After all, we are a society which holds Freedom of Speech as perhaps our greatest liberty.

Besides, it's just a sign.

What kind of business dares post such a sign?

Answer: a funeral home.

Thank you Gina Waters-Sladek for setting us straight.

This is also how it is.

Every Saturday morning, the man had an early tee time on the golf course.

He got up early, looking forward to golfing all day long. Sometimes 36 holes.

One Saturday morning, he got up, dressed quietly so as not to wake his wife, got his clubs out of the closet and loaded them in his car to drive to the course.

Just as he pulls out of the garage, it starts to rain and before long it's a torrential downpour.

Then, snow mixes with the rain and the wind starts blowing 50 miles per hour or more.

The man pulls back into the garage, gets out of the car and takes his golf clubs back into the house and puts them in the closet.

Then, he quietly undresses and crawls back into bed to cuddle up to his wife's back with a different anticipation.

The man whispers into his wife's ear, "The weather out there is terrible."

To which his wife sleepily replies, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out golfing in this weather?"

Thank you Don Graff for unstraightening us with some humor.

Psssst … Did you really think I could stay on the soap box that long without slipping off and into sophomoric humor?

Fooled you again.

Lee Bonorden can be contacted at 434-2232 or by e-mail at :mailto:lee.bonorden@austindailyherald.com