There are lessons of life to learn.

Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

That is only one of the lessons of life I've learned.

It seems like only yesterday, it was Wednesday … a year ago that is. I was sitting at home in my pajamas, semi-blind, prone to falling asleep in the middle of a conversation and unable or unwilling to move around freely.

Now, I'm doing all those things at my desk at the Austin Daily Herald and getting paid.

I've learned a lot in the last year. For instance, it's those small happenings that make life so spectacular.

This is true every payday.

I've learned that under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

Take the Mower County Board of Commissioners. They're just misunderstood.

Another thing I've learned is that to ignore the facts does not change the facts, but it makes for a better story.

I've learned that when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.

I just wish I could have gotten back to the men's restrooms in the courthouse to take that Saran Wrap off the urinals before the place opened again.

I've learned that love, not time, heals all wounds. A dancer at Hey Rube's! taught me that.

I've learned that the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.

I just can't decide between politicians and chimpanzees.

I've learned that everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.

Another dancer at Hey Rube's! taught me that.

I've learned that opportunities are never lost: someone will take the ones you miss.

Gee … I'll always wonder what might have happened had I not dropped out of night classes at the community college and given up my seat in that computer class to Bill Gates.

I've learned that it's best to give advice in only two circumstances: when it is requested and when it is a life-threatening situation.

Unfortunately, I forget this lesson of life when I hear the sound of my voice.

I've learned the Lord didn't do it all in one day. What makes me think I can?

I only wish the editors would stop snarling at me when deadlines approach and I've just gotta have another cup of coffee.

I've also learned that life is tough, but I'm tougher.

I just can't stay tough as long as I used to.

Another lesson of life I've learned is that when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

There's nothing worse than being up a creek without a giggle.

And I've learned that one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

Unless it's the idiot in the express lane at the supermarket, paying for a loaf of bread with pickles. Then, you're free to swear like a sailor.

Finally, I've learned that a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

Another dancer at Hey Rube's! taught me that.

Lee Bonorden can be contacted at 434-2232 or by e-mail at :mailto:lee.bonorden@austindailyherald.com