Ahhhh … it seems like only yesterday, when I rolled into beautiful downtown Adams and ran afoul of the law.

A lot has happened since I was busted by Police Chief Gordie Briggs.

Sure, Dorothy Smith passed the hat at Legion Post No. 146 and they came up with enough money to pay my fine, because I was inside the Legion Post when Chief Briggs was outside writing a ticket.

Think about the bad publicity the Legion Post would have gotten if I would have written "Reporter Gets Improper Parking Ticket While Doing His Job Searching For Truth and Justice Inside Adams Legion Post."

They never would have lived that one down.

Whatever it was, a connection was made and by the time I started poking fun at Saint Tommy-Boy. I was well on my way to becoming an honorary citizen of the Dairy Capital of Mower County.

Of course, I almost threw it all away at the 125th anniversary of Taopi, when they played an old-timers' softball game. Those Taopi and Adams boys take their rivalry pretty seriously and as the umpire of the game of the century, I was walking a thin line that afternoon.

I can't quite explain it, but I really feel I owe Adams something, but, darned if I can figure out what it could be.

The other night, I imagined Dorothy and Keith Vorhees and the all the others sitting around the bar at the Legion Post, coloring in their Saint Tommy Super Hero coloring books and it made me feel sad.

There's got to be more to life than coloring a picture of a grown man in tights.

I decided it's time I do something for my favorite town. So, put down all those fancy Sex On The Beach drinks with little hats, guys. Get rid of the Saint Tommy Super Hero coloring books. Save some beer nuts for the Auxiliary. It's time to take a test.

It will only take a minute and it will help sharpen your math skills.

Because you've come to expect sophisticated, intellectual stuff from me, let's start with the first question: Pick the number of times you would like to have sex each week. It must be at least once and less than 10.

Multiply this number by 2.

Add 5.

Now multiply by 50.

If you have already had a birthday this year, add 1,752. If you haven't had a birthday yet this year, add 1,751.

Subtract the 4-digit number of the year you were born.

You should have a 3-digit number.

The first digit of this number is your original number or the number of times you want to have sex each week.

The next two numbers are your age.

Thank you, Boys and Girls of Adams.

This is the only year, when this formula will work, so when 2002 ends, forget it.

And you thought I was just another tall, dark, handsome stranger that rode into town one night.

I got a brain, too, and I use it. I don't sit on it all the time.

(You're still the one, Adams. I won't forget the benefit when I count my blessings on Thanksgiving Day -- L.B.)

Lee Bonorden can be reached at 434-2232 or by e-mail at :mailto:lee.bonorden@austindailyherald.com