Every child needs the love and friendship of an adult, someone they can turn to for guidance, someone who can give them a sense of calm.

Monday, March 25, 2002

Every child needs the love and friendship of an adult, someone they can turn to for guidance, someone who can give them a sense of calm.

To ensure that all children in the county have such a relationship with an adult, the Mower County Mentoring Program works to provide a "positive role model for a child who does not seem to have very many, if any," program director Larry Andersen says.

The program gets the names of the children through "referrals from schools, churches, social services and even the parents," he explains. "In some cases, the children have a mom and dad, but they have difficulty being the father or mother who most kids have."

The mentors currently participating in program range in age from 17 years old to more than 80 years old. "Most are middle-aged or older," Andersen says, "but we do have some high school and college students who mentor."

Children who have mentors range in age from 7 years old to 17 years old. "Usually when the kids reach their teen years, they become a little more independent and don’t feel they need a mentor as much," he says.

Andersen says he works to recruit mentors by speaking to service clubs and church groups and is currently searching for men to be mentors. "There are seven or eight boys who are waiting for a mentor," he says. "Usually we try to pair females up with females and males up with males. Rarely is it the other way around. Someday I would like to have a reserve of men and women, so when a mentee comes in, we can match them up right away."

However, to be a mentor, Andersen says one must possess some essential qualities. "You have to want to share, you have to want to help and be there for the child. You need to be the role model these kids don’t have in their lives," he says. "It’s not so important what mentors do with the kids, it’s what the kids get out of it."

Andersen estimates 75 children have mentors right now and says the program seems to be helping them. "We get feedback from parents and relatives that it works," he says.

Paul Wahlstrom of Austin mentors three children, 13-year-old twin boys and their 10-year-old younger brother, who were referred to Andersen by their grandmother.

He says that since he began mentoring them, "they’re certainly calming down with me."

However, he adds, "it’s hard to tell because I don’t seem them so much, but the reports from their grandma are very positive and she says they really look forward to and appreciate their time with me."

Wahlstrom has mentored the three boys for almost two years, after Andersen asked him if he was interested. "When you think about it, it’s hard not to think of a reason not to do it," Wahlstrom says.

He says though some children are referred to Andersen "because they have something in their past," the boys he mentors "are fairly normal teenage boys."

"They were referred by their grandmother, who them live with, because she wanted them to have a positive male role model to try to keep them more focused."

"It’s been a real positive experience," he says. "Mentors aren’t out there to fix the kids, they’re there to do things with them and be their friend."

Beryl Bank of Austin mentors a 12-year-old girl and agrees. "We have fun together. We enjoy each other’s company," she says.

Bank became involved in the program after reading an article in the newspaper about the Mower County Mentoring Program a year and a half ago. "I had just retired and I had plenty of time to do something like that, so I called," she says.

At first, Bank was supposed to mentor a 7-year-old Vietnamese girl in a foster home. "However, the foster mother didn’t want a grandmother figure for the girl, because she already had that in her foster home," she says. "So, I was paired up with an 11-year-old girl, who turned 12 in August and that’s worked out quite well. I’m kind of glad it didn’t work out with the other girl because it’s worked out so well with this one and myself."

"We don’t do anything exciting and I don’t put a lot of pressure on her. I just want the time we have to be an enjoyable time together," she explains.

Bank says the girl she mentors "is a typical child. She wants my approval just like any other child. I’m a firm believer that you are responsible for your actions and with me, she is responsible for her actions. She’s had a hard time with that."

Bank says that above all else, "I would like her to realize I love her and that I’m not a fly by night. I will always be here."

"She has enough problems, I want her to know I’m something permanent she can depend on. I hope to make a difference in her life as she gets old and I hope to stay in her life," she says.

Neither Wahlstrom or Bank say they talk to the children they mentor much about the children’s home lives. Bank says the girl she mentors "doesn’t confide in me about her background," and Bank doesn’t push her to do so because "I want our relationship to be completely separate from her home life. She has enough problems at home, she doesn’t need those to be here."

For more information about the Mower County Mentoring Program, call 437-9454.

Call Amanda L. Rohde at 434-2214 or e-mail her at amanda.rohde@austindailyherald.com