Sad, but true: Jim Kiefer is lactose intolerant when it comes to milking cows.

Thursday, June 14, 2001

Sad, but true: Jim Kiefer is lactose intolerant when it comes to milking cows.

The mayor of Taopi and Adams city clerk not nary a drop of milk from Babe at last Sunday night’s World Championship Milking Contest.

How embarrassing. The guy should stay on the golf links where he belongs. He’s no milker.

One of the largest crowds to witness the final event of the annual Adams Dairy Days celebrations gathered outside the elevator to watch the fun.

Curt "Wagner SuperValu’s Super Bag Boy" Heimer got the crowd warmed up for fun with an ice-cream eating contest.

Then, Lynn "Mister ADA" Sathre took over for the main event: the milking contest. This year, contestants had three cows to milk: Steve Reinartz’s Holstein, Babe, Bill Boe’s Holstein, The Other Babe, and master of ceremonies Sathre’s Holstein, Little Babe.

Larry Tompkins, superintendent of Southland Public Schools, won the contest. Sophia Rose Smith, a Mower County Dairy Princess attendant, finished second. Heather Irvin, the Mower County Dairy Princess, finished third followed by Dairy Princess attendants Bethany Read and Marcie Rossow.

Taopi Mayor Kiefer finished last.

In all fairness to Jim, he was standing or sitting in for LeRoy Swanson, the mayor of Adams, who skipped the entire Adams Dairy Days celebration.

Emcee Sathre loves to humiliate Yours Truly in public, so he invited me to try my hands at milking the cow. This is not your ordinary Holstein. It’s a trick cow trained not to give milk when its teats are touched by somebody who is not from Adams, so I came up empty.

Darned if that cute little Kylie Reinartz didn’t milk the cow after me and – sure enough – the Holstein gave milk.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: the milking contest is rigged.

Everybody’s favorite fellow, Byron Huseby, won Bill Boe’s giant Holstein. He gets to display the cow on his front lawn for a week.

If you drive by the Huseby residence near the curve along County 7 at County 4 north of Adams at night and see a strange object with a red nose, that will not be Mr. Huseby, but a giant cow decorated with Christmas lights.

It spent a week in front of Cleo Osmundson’s beautiful home last Christmas and nobody noticed.

All in all, it was a very good Adams Dairy Days. The Southland Rebels marching band provided the music, Adams American Legion Post No. 146’s color guard and neighboring posts carried the flag and Bubbles, the Holstein Lady showed signs of slowing down.

This year, she had an assistant who walked the parade route handing out cheese: Mike and Deloris Harber’s granddaughter, Amanda, joined the Holstein Lady in promoting dairy.

Of course, Harlan Boe was in the parade. Maggie drove the beautiful blue El Camino with Harlan waiving to the crowd, including grand old Russell Chapek from Elkton.

I wonder how many parade-goers paid $5 for a can of pop just because Jim "Weasel" Sathre was selling it?

Everybody’s favorite, Joe Retterath, rode in the parade. Circle Sept. 8 on the calendar for the biggest benefit of them all this year: The Joe Retterath Celebrity Golf Outing. ALS (Lou Gehrig’s disease) victims will benefit.

After the parade, it was off to Adams City Park for the tractor pull and kids games, while dodging Police Chief Gordie Briggs and Gary "The Shadow" Harrison.

Of course, everywhere I went, people wanted to stop and talk. Fred "Mr. Fried Chicken" Harvey was there and we grandfathers compared notes at the swing set.

Then, it happened.

I was minding my own business, carrying one of the grandchildren on the way to the tractor pull, when this woman comes out of nowhere, runs up to me panting and asks, "Lee, can I take a picture of your backside?"

If I had a quarter for every time that happened I’d be a rich man.

In this case, it was one of the notorious Golombowski girls, so naturally I obliged.

I don’t like to disappoint the ladies.

Congratulations Adams Booster Club on a great celebration!

See ya’ at you-know-who’s birthday and then it’s on to the Clayton Township picnic and Sunflower Daze at Dexter with The Bubba.

Lee Bonorden’s column appears Thursdays. Call him at 434-2232 or e-mail him at lee.bonorden@austindailyherald.com.