While the thought of going back to school depresses most children after a long, care-free summer, what about children victimized by bullies?.

Friday, September 08, 2000

While the thought of going back to school depresses most children after a long, care-free summer, what about children victimized by bullies?

Bullying has come a long way since children handed over their lunches to the tough guy on the playground; oftentimes the insults and abuse continue outside of school, becoming quite intense.

Earlier this year, an 11-year-old boy in England was doused in gas and set on fire by another child in a playground attack. The boy, nicknamed Podgy by classmates, suffered extensive burns across his body. His raincoat and clothes had melted onto his skin during the vicious attack.

Jean McDermott, principal of Ellis Middle School in Austin, said that while they have had problems with bullies, they are nowhere near as severe as the above incident.

Most of the conflicts are verbal, with some escalating into physical disputes, McDermott said.

"It’s not so much bullying as it is a ‘You-said-this-about-me thing,’" she said.

McDermott explained that most of the incidents occur at the start of the school year, when issues from outside of school are brought into that environment.

Depending on the situation, faculty or staff will talk to the individuals alone or as a group.

"We review policies, asking them ‘Do you understand this is verbal abuse, etc.?’" McDermott said.

If we put a name to what it is they’re doing, she explained, more often than not they stop.

As issues become more private and personal, especially on the middle school level, McDermott said there’s more one-on-one contact with counselors, as students are reluctant to talk to their peers.

She said that while Banfield and Southgate have mediation programs, she has not come across a model to meet her expectations.

Incidents of abuse and bullying focus on self-esteem and self-worth. If you think your child may have been or is being victimized, Maryanne Law, director of the Parenting Resource Center in Austin, said there are a number of ways parents can help.

First and foremost, parents should be on the lookout for behavior patterns such as avoiding specific places and withdrawing themselves from the group.

"Be alert to what’s going on," Law said. "Especially if they don’t want to be left alone."

If children are alone a lot, they really need adult support.

"Just because they’re alone, it puts them in a more sensitive and vulnerable position," Law explained.

Perhaps what is most important in such a situation is letting children know they’re not by themselves and that they don’t have to deal with problems alone.

"Adults want to help and will intervene," Law said.

If they choose to do so, Law said there are a variety of ways to go about it.

"Avoid the situation if it’s an option," she said. "Also, not being by self; parents, teachers, even brothers and sisters help."

Parents must know how to help in a positive manner, Law said.

This includes helping children develop their friendship skills; the Parenting Resource Center has a video entitled "Facing Up," which focuses on elementary school children and coping with bullies.

She explained three important concepts in such a situation.

"Children need to know they’re liked," Law said. "The more people children are around the better they feel."

The more capable children feel, she elaborated, the less likely they are to intimidate others; if we help children develop skills and competencies, they’re more willing to be generous.

Law also said that it’s very important to know how to influence others properly.

"Bullies use negative power," Law explained.

Size, words and status all are ways they intimidate and overpower those beneath them.

Perhaps the most important issue when dealing with young children is building positive self-esteem; this will help them become competent individuals later in life.

"Kids don’t have the need to pull negative power plays," Law said.

Children who do bully, according to Law, have not learned how to gain power positively; those outside social groups are most at risk for anti-social behavior.

Because of this, Law stressed the importance of not reinforcing negative behavior early on in children’s lives.

"Parents must reaffirm positive communication skills," she said.

Bullies are forever asking children not to tell, Law said. This is because they don’t want to change the power balance.

For more ways you can help your child if he/she is being bullied, contact the Parenting Resource Center, 301 Main St. North, or call 437-8330. Also, parents who need support or further ideas on how to approach the delicate situation call the Parenting Warmline toll-free at (888) 584-2204.