I think I remember reading in the Herald the pointlessness in spraying for mosquitoes some time ago.

Tuesday, August 08, 2000

I think I remember reading in the Herald the pointlessness in spraying for mosquitoes some time ago. This, after reading in the Owatonna Free Press that they had sprayed earlier – when all those mosquitoes moved to town.

Now I hear we’re going to spray.

Personally, I’m against spraying. It’s not their fault they came here. If I were a mosquito, this is where I would want to be since the avalanche of rains fell upon us. And, as I’ve said before, I like to be kind to all sentient beings, except when they form committees.

After giving some hard thought to the problem of flood control I have a suggestion – move Austin. Didn’t the reports say the last heavy rain fell in a east-west line along Interstate 90? Let’s move Austin up north of Owatonna, maybe around Medford. At least somewhere north of Blooming Prairie. Every time the Blooming area gets drenched it seems to send the Turtle Creek soaring. If you’re ever on Highway 218 North just north of Blooming it always seems to rain the hardest there on the west side of the highway.

And didn’t the city council open a bag of worms, so to speak, when they suggested banning nude dancing or "topless dancing" in Austin. My little fingers are nearly raw from typing in all the letters concerning the subject.

Personally, I can’t recall the last time I was in a place that featured dancing girls.

However, I do recall another time in my life when I lived in Riverside, Calif., and invited a "dancing girl" to join us and "perform" at a "bachelor party" given in honor of a friend who was about to be married. I didn’t tell her this "wedding" was fictional. Of course we found a volunteer to take on the role of "groom-to-be" – several volunteered.

Does nude dancing lead to prostitution? In our get-together it didn’t. Our guest did a couple sets in the few hours we celebrated our staged private bachelor party. When it was over she left safely and was paid for her performance. Everybody chipped in.

When I moved back to this community in 1980 and when visiting the community when I lived away, I have to admit that I sometimes frequented bars where dancing girls were featured. The Tiki Pub was my favorite with its Polynesian atmosphere.

I think some of the performers were actually college students, not sinners and gatekeepers to crime, and they made good money for dancing. It was something they liked to do. It was a job.

A dancer in the Brown Derby had a picture up on the stage of a guy who used to live in Austin. My friend and I knew him. We talked together about him.

Another time I sat with a performer in her apartment talking into the wee hours of the morning. That was around Christmas.

I once witnessed a former mayor giving a key to the city to one of the Brown Derby dancers (I made the introduction).

My aunt wasn’t a nude dancer in the Twin Cities, but she was a prostitute there for part of her life. I heard an uncle was her pimp. For most of my years, this was a family secret. My cousin spilled the beans on a recent visit recalling as a child how my sister and she rode around with the aunt one summer Sunday in her convertible. They picnicked together.

"She wore a mink," my cousin said. They liked her. I think I would have liked her, too.

Eventually she made her way to Washington, D.C., where she spent the last years of her life, perhaps near the Oval Office, serving as a secretary.

Who was president then?

So what will happen if the city council decides to rid "the evil forces of topless dancing" from the streets of Austin? Will the crime move to Mapleview and lead to murder and mayhem there turning that quiet little community into "little Chicago?"

If the council closes down the dancers to protect the lives of the innocent residents of Austin maybe the city could avail a couple of those blue and white buses for nightly shuttles to the Aragon Bar in Albert Lea, with extra buses on Friday and Saturday.

Otherwise, I’m fearful the highways between Albert Lea and Austin heading west after 1 a.m. won’t be as safe as they are now with all this additional traffic.

Maybe add direct weekend flights to the Albert Lea airport and back for area businessmen who want to maintain their dignity.

They could maybe charter one of those big fancy buses during the National Barrow Show.

Yet, I can’t help wonder if all those beautiful flowers hanging from every lamp post in town might (in some way) illicit or arouse the spirit of romance that leads men to those villainous night spots and the hours beyond.