Every time I see Mower County Sheriff Barry J.

Thursday, November 11, 1999

Every time I see Mower County Sheriff Barry J. Simonson I wonder, "Is he Y2K compatible?"

The same thing happens whenever I see Austin Mayor Bonnie Rietz. I wonder, "Is the mayor ready for the year 2000."

No matter how many times people reassure me, I can’t help but worry, "Who’s going to crack next?"

We had an editorial staff meeting Wednesday and the publisher reassured us, "We’re ready for Y2K" and a collective sigh of relief passed through the conference room.

At least, I hope that’s what was passed.

The Millennium Bug is no joke. Nobody likes bugs. We step on them, swat them and spray them. The only friends bugs have are entomologists who are paid to study them.

President Clinton issued a statement this week to reassure Americans that they are safe from the Millennium Bug.

Sure. He’ll be ready for the year 2000. Hillary will be in New York, running for the U.S. Senate, while he’s in Washington, running the country.

It has me worried, this Y2K compatibility and personally I do not intend to be flying in a jumbo jet depending on computer chips at the stroke of midnight New Year’s Eve. I may wind up circling Cleveland for a month or so.

This is not the first time I have looked with dread to something happening in a new year. I have been incompatible with other years of my life.

Heck, I remember 1977. I was not compatible with that year either. Got fired from a newspaper job and divorced within the span of a good two weeks. That was the time my Hispanic wife taught me Spanish and mistook me for a bird, when she announced, "Adios, turkey!"

Ever since, I have feared every year ending in a "7."

Of course, worrying over something one has no control over is unnecessary and unhealthy.

It’s just that there is so much talk about this Y2K compatibility, Millennium Bug and are-you-ready-for-2000 business that it’s getting to me.

I’m afraid I could crack up and then what would I do: run for elective office?

There was an article in a magazine in a doctor’s office I visited recently that offered to describe "the clues to tell if someone you know may snap in the year 2000."

This expert said to watch for things seeming unreal, deja vu and "looking through someone else’s eyes."

That describes how I feel covering a Mower County Board of Commissioners’ meeting.

The "huge warning signals," as the expert called them, are: writing death poems, obsessing about death and violence, deliberately injuring or mutilating the body, pulling out hair, road rage, freaking out over minor stress, substance abuse and punching walls." As the expert noted, "These should never be ignored."

Duh. Like anybody would want to go near somebody exhibiting such warning signals?

The expert concludes his advice on how to help people who may be on the verge of snapping in 2000 by observing, "The trick is to recognize the problem before they snap."

So, I’m gong to keep an eye on the county sheriff, Austin’s mayor and a few other people who I think might be candidates for succumbing to the Millennium Bug and being incompatible with Y2K and just plain not ready for the year 2000.

And, I just hope they have the decency and compassion to do the same for me.

Lee Bonorden’s column appears Wednesdays