Thirty-five Mower County employees were honored recently by their employer.

Thursday, September 30, 1999

Thirty-five Mower County employees were honored recently by their employer.

They were fed breakfast and in ceremonies conducted by the Mower County Board of Commissioners, each received a plaque and check.

Only 15 of the 35 employees attended the recognition events. I’m going to give the other 20 the benefit of the doubt and say they were working. Of course, cynics will wonder what the other 15 were doing eating breakfast and schmoozing with their co-workers on county time.

They came from 16 different departments and ranged in length of employment from 10 years to 30 years.

County employees are honored on their employment milestones, 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30 or more.

The 35 county workers shared $1,245, which probably came from the $31.7 million in reserves held by the county and put the multipurpose building project in jeopardy.

The commissioners, part-time comedians that they are, all made a lot of jokes about the left-over plaques and checks after the ceremonies. One, who shall remain nameless to protect his re-election bid, suggested the commissioners split the unclaimed money. I think the only people who laughed were the commissioners.

Employee recognition is a nice gesture in the work place. When I was named the Austin Daily Herald’s Employee of the Week and narrowly beat out a motor route driver, who travels the mean roads of Lodi Township, I got my picture posted on the bulletin board and a gift certificate at a local restaurant.

It’s hard to choose gifts for employee recognition. A plaque is nice. You can’t throw something like that away. A check is also nice.

But, here are some other things that, my sources in the Mower County government center say, were considered for employee recognition:

(1) "Feedlot Frenzy." This bootleg tape has been in circulation ever since the county approved feedlot regulations. Watch the misadventures of those madcap guys, Lowell and Dan, as they embark on a mission to save manure. It seems, they both suffered a hearing problem after a particularly long and boring story told them by Dave Quinlan and mistook "endangered species" for "endangered feces" and … well … you can imagine the zany results.

(2) "Malcolm McDonald Sings the Blues." This new CD release was made shortly after the concerned citizen appeared before the Mower County Board of Commissioners and tried to convince them saving $31.7 million is too much and didn’t get so much as a "Howdoyoudo."

(3) "My Favorite County Drainage Systems." Rick Morrison, the county’s drainage system inspector, writes an evocative, though-provoking book about ditches.

(4) "Dave Hillier Turns Over a New Leaf." The title may fool some, but here’s everything you wanted to know about composting but were afraid to ask.

(5) "Ruth Harris’ Guide To Investments." A six-part home study course on investing taxpayers’ money.

(6) Free golf lessons by Gary Nemitz. Who said this commissioner was all-business?

(7) The Dick Cummings Diet Plan. This commissioner has developed a new nutrition plan especially tailored for elected officials, who spend a lot of time on the coffee and doughnuts meeting circuit.

(8) Len Miller’s Counter-Terrorism Course. Spend six days in the Burrwood woods with this commissioner and learn how to fight.

(9) The new line of Ray Tucker men’s shorts. Made from Teflon and designed to prevent serious injury from chewing-outs by dissatisfied voters for speaking your mind.

(10) Mini-Vacation Ideas by County Sheriff Barry J. Simonson. A video and an instruction book.

(11) "County Coordinators and Other Unexplained Phenomena." Soon to be a regular series on the Discovery Channel.

Now, do you see what you’re missing County Workers?

Congratulations anyhow.

Lee Bonorden’s column appears Thursday