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It could have been the right number

By Al Batt | Austin Daily Herald

Published Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Echoes from the

Loafers’ Club

“You look pensive.”

“I’ve been thinking.”

“Well, it’s your first time. You’ll get used to it.”

Dricing by the Bruces

I have two wonderful neighbors—both named Bruce—who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: Never trust luck when you are depending on it.

All I know about

lawn care

Always mow the front yard first in case the lawn mower breaks down.

Maybe the cat went

to Spain

In another life, I was a salesman. The company I worked for was running a sales contest. The winners received a trip to Spain. It sounded great, but I’d joined the company in the middle of the year, so I didn’t have much hope of winning. I ran into some good luck and came close. I missed going to Spain by one spot. Not long before the winners were to leave, I visited with one of the fortunate salesmen at his office. He was excited about the adventure but was worried about his cat. He needed to find a responsible catsitter. He asked me if I would look after his feline. It was a dream come true. I missed going to Spain, but would receive a consolation prize—the privilege of babysitting a cat. I said I would consider it. I lived in Minnesota. The cat lived in Iowa. I never heard more about the incredible job offer. I didn’t sit for a cat, and I’ve never been to Spain.

Too close to nature

My wife and I were at a state park in northern Minnesota. It was a beautiful summer day, but the mosquitoes were so thick that they cast a shadow. There were so many mosquitoes that it was the first time I ever felt claustrophobic outdoors.

A scene from a marriage

“What are you looking for?”

“Nothing.”

“Where did you have it last?”

“On the kitchen table.”

An electrifying existence

I grew up in an old farmhouse. It was deficient in electrical outlets. We made do by having extension cords. They tangled like loving snakes in corners, closets and sheds. We had no power strips, so those multiple tap plugs were employed to provide electricity to numerous devices. Power outages were frequent. We knew it was nearly Christmas when blown fuses fell prey to Christmas tree lights. Overloaded outlets were dangerous, but so was having no Christmas tree lights.

We had enough extension cords that the Rolling Stones could have held a concert in our home, but not without blowing a fuse.

The bumper sticker said

In Montana, “Love your neighbors but brand your calves.”

Talking to the Holstein

I was talking to the Holstein the other day. The Holstein is a retired milk cow, so she has time to talk. I griped to the Holstein that I had received a call at four in the morning that proved to be a wrong number.

The Holstein chewed her cud thoughtfully and said, “There are worse things than getting a call that’s a wrong number at 4 a.m. It could have been a right number.”

Meeting adjourned

The kindest word is an unkind word, unsaid.

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