The battle for the radio

By Al Batt | Austin Daily Herald

Published Tuesday, July 22, 2008

ECHOES FROM THE LOAFERS’ CLUB

“I buy a lottery ticket each day.”

“You’re throwing your money away. Do you know what your chances of winning are?”

“Sure, they’re slightly higher than my chances of becoming rich by working.”

DRIVING BY THE BRUCES

I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: When estimates run over, they aren’t backing up.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

I like scalloped potatoes and ham.

Growing up, I associated that dish with funerals.

To this day, I call them “funeral potatoes.”

A DAY IN THE LIFE

My day started with the funeral of a relative who died much too young.

Following the funeral, I attended a birthday party, a softball team reunion and my wife’s class reunion.

It was a hectic day, but the procession from a funeral to the light-hearted gatherings reminded me of how precious life is and that I need to tell people how much I appreciate them.

THOSE THRILLING DAYS OF YESTERYEAR

We had an old Philco radio in the barn. It had 19 knobs and buttons, only two of which made any difference — the “on-off, volume” and the station selection knobs.

My father preferred the twanging of country music. I favored the banging of rock and roll from WDGY.

We would vote. The dairy cattle had no vote, so it always ended in a tie, with the tiebreaker going to my father. Why? Just because.

Occasionally, my father would give me a break from listening to the Hanks (Williams, Snow, Thompson, and Locklin) and tune the aged wooden radio to KNUJ Radio out of New Ulm. It was old-time music — mostly polkas.

I realize that it was my fault for not appreciating that music as much as I should have. I wanted to hear high-decibel electric guitars, not accordions.

One day, I snapped. I told my father that KNUJ was JUNK.

My father was so pleased to learn that I could spell something backward that we listened to WDGY.

For two songs.

My father said that he worried that rock and roll would curdle the milk.

I AM NOT BORED

I am never bored. If I were, I would not admit it.

I told my father once that I was bored. He told me to clean the henhouse and be bored no more.

Whenever ennui would strike, my mother would ask me to look out the nearest window and tell her about the most interesting thing I saw.

I find this exercise a cure for anything approaching boredom.

WHAT THEY ARE SAYING

Chris McKean said he has become so long in the tooth that when he plays softball, he is in danger of pulling his O.L.D. Chris added that he knows a woman who is so short that she sued the city she lives in for building the sidewalk too close to her rear end.

Sharon Raisanen said her childhood remedy for an upset stomach was a slice of hard cinnamon toast buttered side down in a dish and covered with scalded milk.

P. Jean Champoux said that the talk she hears is filled with “F-words” — fuel and food.

THOSE THRILLING DAYS OF YESTERYEAR

I spoke to a wonderful group called ASFMRA — the American Society of Farm Managers and Rural Appraisers. They are good folks who provide needed services. When I was growing up on the farm we had a farm manager and a rural appraiser.

The manager was my mother. She wielded the checkbook.

The appraiser was my father. He said things like, “The corn looks good.”

A GOOD EVENING

Butterflies, which had floated like origami on the wind, had called it a day. I listened to the crooning of crows. They were heralding the end of their day and were battling the hush of sunset. The stars were waiting for the crows to quiet before they could shine. The crows are in their tree. All is right with the world.

NATURE NOTES

Wild parsnip has large, coarse flower spikes with yellow umbel-like flower clusters generally beginning to form the first of June to the middle of July. These plants are 2 to 5 feet high, with long, divided basal leaves that may be only a few inches high. Wet, bare skin that comes into contact with wild parsnip in the presence of sunlight can suffer serious blisters that appear a day or two after exposure. This hyper-pigmentation (dark red or brownish discoloration of the skin in the burn area) can persist for up to two years and is often mistaken for poison ivy rash. Thoroughly wash any area that comes into contact with wild parsnip. If burned, put on a cool, wet cloth, keep clean, and apply an antibiotic cream.

MEETING ADJOURNED

There is no shortage of opportunities to be kind. Take advantage of them.