By Gema Alvarado-Guerrero

Parenting Resource Center Executive Director

Question: Can you give me any ideas on how to get my boy to do what I ask?

Answer: One of my favorite resources to utilize when it comes to discipline and children, available at our Specialty Library is the “1-2-3- Magic” series.

According to Dr. Phelan, author of “1-2-3 Magic,” our frustrations as parents come from children either not stopping a behavior, or not starting one. An example of a stop behavior is whining, whereas start behaviors include positive activities, such as doing homework. One of the first things you can ask yourself is whether you are trying to get your child to stop or start doing something. If you don’t pause to consider this, then you are taking the one size fits all approach- which is not effective in all cases.

One effective way to get children to do what you ask is to be very specific. Telling your child “Don’t eat with your fingers” does not sound as specific as “Please use your fork when you are eating.”

Can you see the difference? In the first statement, you are telling the child what NOT to do, but not providing feedback on what to do instead. By being specific, you are not leaving the child guessing on what it is you want them to do. Remember, children have not learned everything that we know, so we cannot expect them to be small adults. Rather, encourage the positive behavior and model what you would like to see in them.

If you are looking to stop behavior, become aware of the number of warnings you give your child before they comply. What you may unintentionally be teaching your child is that you give several warnings before they actually have to listen. If they don’t listen the first time, provide a firm consequence, such as taking a toy away or limiting screen time.

The trick to this being effective is to be consistent because otherwise you are showing that there is leeway in not listening because you may or may not provide a consequence.

And lastly, to start or stop behavior means to provide positive attention to good behavior. Children thrive on knowing they are loved and valued. Positive attention to good behavior may be a smile, praise, a high-five, anything really that shows the child that we feel so proud of them. If they don’t feel like they are receiving positive attention, then they seek attention by acting out.

Gema Alvarado-Guerrero is the Executive Director of the Parenting Resource Center in Austin. If you would like to talk with a parenting specialist about family challenges, call the toll-free Parent WarmLine at 1-888-584-2204/Línea de Apoyo at 877-434-9528.  For free emergency child care call Crisis Nursery at 1-877-434-9599.