Archived Story

Magic 8-Ball may offer sound advice

Published 10:13am Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting

“Knock, knock.”

“Who’s there?”

“The doorbell repairman.”

 Driving by the Bruces

I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: Chewbacca made a lot of Wookiee mistakes.

 The news from Hartland

The Eat Around It Cafe offers a Too Much Information booth where people can talk about their most recent medical procedures.

The Lucky Charms leprechaun tells police that everyone is after his Social Security check.

CSI Hartland discovers that the mime really was trapped in an invisible box.

Hartland’s walk/don’t walk lights become coin-operated.

 Christmas past

My nephew Neal Batt got a Magic 8-Ball for Christmas. He’ll never need to make another decision. He’ll rely on the Magic 8-Ball’s advice that says one of the following: As I see it, yes. It is certain. It is decidedly so. Most likely. Outlook good. Signs point to yes. Without a doubt. Yes. Yes–definitely. You may rely on it. Reply hazy, try again. Ask again later. Better not tell you now. Cannot predict now. Concentrate and ask again. Don’t count on it. My reply is no. My sources say no. Outlook not so good. Very doubtful.

Contrary to my popular belief, there is no, “What are you looking at?” Ten of the answers are affirmative, five are negative, and five are unrevealing. Who knows, maybe the device is the secret to Warren Buffet’s success.

My three-year-old grandson Crosby was acting his age when it came time to open Christmas presents. Some suggested he was being a pain in the posterior. His grandmother, The Queen B, warned him that if he didn’t shape up, he’d be the last one to open presents. Crosby replied instantly, “I like being last.”

 Basketball diaries

I watched my granddaughter Joey play ball. Her team was shutting out its opponent. I’ve seen many fastpitch softball games and a shutout isn’t that unusual. What made it odd was that it was a basketball game. The score was New Ulm a lot, the Sleepy Eye contingent nothing. As the final seconds ticked off the clock, a player from Sleepy Eye heaved the ball from well past midcourt. It swished as the final buzzer sounded. A three-pointer. Everyone cheered.

Deb Kenison of Ellendale told me that when her father played high school basketball for Emmons, he and a friend were caught smoking cigarettes. Both boys were booted from the team. A problem soon arose. Being a small school, Emmons didn’t have enough players to field a team without the smokers. The coach went to Deb’s father to ask him to rejoin the varsity. He was hesitant, but agreed to return if the coach bought him a pair of basketball shoes. Deb’s father became a rare individual — a high school basketball player with a shoe contract.

 Talking Texas

I spoke in the Rio Grande Valley and visited Mission, Texas. My mother, who knew nothing about football, liked the Dallas Cowboys because of their coach, Tom Landry. She liked his hat. A mural on a building located, oddly enough, on Tom Landry Drive, is a tribute to Landry. It portrays Landry’s years as a player with the New York Giants and as a coach of the Cowboys. Don Perkins, Don Meredith, Danny White, Ed LeBaron, Craig Morton, and Too Tall Jones are players depicted in the mural. It illustrates Landry on the shoulders of Rayfield Wright after a Super Bowl victory. It shows his involvement with the Fellowship of Christian Athletes and ends with his induction into the Football Hall of Fame. Mom would have smiled at the images of that fedora.

A winter day in the RGV offered an outside temperature warmer than that in my bedroom at home. Sandra Skrei of Cedar Creek moved to Texas from the Midwest to teach. She told one of the students in her first class that he was on thin ice. The boy, who had lived his entire life in the RGV, had no idea what his teacher was talking about.

 Meeting adjourned

Wherever there’s another living thing, there’s an opportunity for kindness.


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