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Column: Words of Wisdom for those who won — and lost

Published 8:06am Wednesday, November 10, 2010

I’m tired of all the post-election trash-talking.

Enough is enough.

Democrats get it. Republicans swept control of Congress and state legislatures.

Republicans say they want things the way they were. I have 2 words for that: George Bush.

Good grief Minnesota can’t get it right and another recount is coming for governor. Who knows how many there will be considering close results in House District 27A and the city s mayoral race?

Oh well! It s over. My congratulations to the winners and condolences to the losers.

Like it or not, I’ve got words of wisdom for candidates in selected races:

Mower County Sheriff Terese Amazi defeats challenger Deputy Sheriff Jeff Ellis.

WORDS of WISDOM for Amazi: Start buying donuts for all those peace officers that endorsed your opponent.

WORDS of WISDOM for Ellis: Get another Tazer.

Mower County Commissioner 3rd District: Challenger Jerry Reinartz defeats incumbent Dave Hillier.

WORDS of WISDOM for Reinartz: County Coordinator Craig Oscarson is not the 6th commissioner. He is 5 an a half at least.

WORDS of WISDOM for Hillier: You came, you saw, you served. Who can ask for anything more?

Mower County Commissioner District No. 4: Challenger Tony Bennett defeats incumbent Dick Lang.

WORDS of WISDOM for Bennett: Whatever hits the fan is not evenly distributed. The Mower County Attorney won’t forget how you nearly embarrassed her with that jail/justice center petition you and 1,000 other taxpayers got signed.

WORDS of WISDOM for Lang: You will always be the mayor of Dutch Town.

Mower County Commissioner District No. 5: Incumbent Mike Ankeny won a full-term without opposition.

WORDS of WISDOM for Ankeny: If we see Buffy the Cow on official county letterhead stationery, you’ve gone too far. The Austin Noon Lions will be watching you closely.

City of Austin Mayor: Incumbent Tom Stiehm defeats challenger Marion Clennon.

WORDS of WISDOM for Stiehm: Be careful. You don’t want to stay in office too long. Cue the band: Silver in the hair, Gold in the teeth, Iron in the arteries and Lead in the (Bleep). Put them all together and they spell h-e-a-r-t a-t-t-a-c-k, Tom.

WORDS of WISDOM for Clennon: You can please only one person per day. Start now and you will have at least 740 votes by 2012.

Austin City Council Member At-Large: Incumbent Janet Anderson defeats challenger Mike Weinmann.

WORDS of WISDOM for Anderson: Winning this election was of Paramount importance.

WORDS of WISDOM for Weinmann: You’re only out the $50 filing fee.

Austin City Council Member 1st Ward: Incumbent Jeff Austin defeats challenger Derek Hyland.

WORDS of WISDOM for Austin: When you’re in office you must accept that some days you’re the pigeon and some days you’re the statue.

WORDS of WISDOM for Hyland: You’re only out the $50 filing fee, too.

Austin City Council Member 2nd Ward: Challenger Roger Boughton defeats incumbent Dick Pacholl.

WORDS of WISDOM for Boughton: Just standing in a garage doesn’t make you a car anymore than winning an election makes you impervious to challenges. Right now, Council Member Pacholl is planning comeback.

WORDS of WISDOM for Pacholl: Win or lose, you will always be a legend in city politics.

Austin City Council Member 3rd Ward: Challenger Judy Enright defeats challenger Jeff Bednar.

WORDS of WISDOM for Enright: Remember, 99 percent of politicians give the rest a bad name. City government is a minefield. Tread carefully.

WORDS of WISDOM for Bednar: Forget it. Some day, you will look back at these years of in-fighting between the former fire chief and firefighters, a police chief forced into early retirement, a police captain arrested on drug charges, fussing over charter changes, unallotment and other spending woes, the not-in-my-backyard dog park controversy, concerns over illegals and the cost to taxpayers to support them, media scrutiny and tough decisions like to petunia the town or not.


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